"You didn't give me these arms, but you gave them a family to hold.
You didn't give me my body but you've truly shaped my soul. Your love has given me wings and how my spirit soars. Knowing that I always will be yours. Forever and for always I am yours."

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Deep in the transition trenches

We arrived home physically but we are long from being "home" emotionally.  It was no small task getting back but that is all for another post, or two, or three!

Sweet Meisyn is six years old and she is just as delightful and even tempered as the day is long.  She is sleeping off a stomach bug right now but is transitioning relatively peacefully.  I don't know how we were so blessed twice but Meisyn is so very much like our Taisha.  I am confident that she will continue flourishing with a happy heart.

Divine Jaeya is having an extremely challenging transition.  While her body may be teeny everything else about her is HUGE.  She is all personality, chatter, curiousity, and charm.  But it also means that her grief, sadness, confusion and frustration are almost overwhelming.  She is also endowed with great courage, determination and a desire for companionship.  This will see her through but we have to survive and find a way out of this trench first.

 (We are driving home from the Las Vegas airport and Jaeya sleeps with a picture of her China Mama tucked in the window.  The desert may as well have been the scarred pockets of the moon to this scared child.)

It didn't help that the night before we left China she rolled off the bed and injured her leg and arm. While her body hurt, the apprehension of leaving China was the biggest source of pain.  The guides were wonderful with her treated her with such kindness.  We have had phone calls with her beloved China Mama at the SWI.  Many parts of the days and most of the nights since our arrival have been sob filled pleadings of "Mommy, lets go China mintian" (Mommy lets go back to China tomorrow.)  We are wearied beyond words.  We are in the deepest of the trenches right now.  The only thing we can do is to get through it.  And we will.

It is terribly difficult to watch your children suffer so much and not be able to take away the pain.  We are here at her side but wish that we could do the grieving for her.  We can't.  We can only do it with her.


  1. We are praying for your girls and hoping the transition will get easier! If you have access to skype sometime I would love for our girls to skype with each other. Love all of the pictures and the sweet memories they bring back!

  2. my thoughts are with you! We experienced such a hard transition with my second daughter, who we adopted at age 4. I remember so well and empathize so deeply with all of you as you work through this difficult time. Pls remember it gets better. It's been 5 years for us and while the road is not easy, I watch my daughter in wonder--I cannot believe the transformation she--and all of us--have made. Hang tight and hold tight!